The Xena Dog Story - by Zark

This is one of those things that you hear about happening to some guy that somebody knows, but this time i was that guy. I'm not sure where to start with this so i guess i'll give you a bit of history.

I've been living with my parents in Houston, TX for about 6 months. I moved here after my divorce in Ohio. @ one point in my life i considered myself a player... back before my marriage. Nowadays i'm rather shy. I have a very difficult time talking to women... particularly women i don't know. If i've been introduced to you and I've seen you a few times i can generally gather the balls to @ least banter for a bit. Generally.

Anyway... after 6 months in Houston, i had discovered that women here aren't really interested in short guys with long hair and big minds. Gay men however, love me. So, my friend, Klaudio asked me to be his back-up guy on this date he was going on. It was their 1st date and she was bringing her roommate. I figured what the hell, right? If she's nasty, i can take off. She wasn't nasty... but she was scary as hell. She looked almost exactly like Lucy Lawless from XENA WARRIOR PRINCESS, but with very short hair. I ran away.

Of course Klaudio and his chic hooked right up, so i was kind of sucked into running into xena again. I'm not really sure of all of the circumstances involved, but xena and i started sortof dating. (I say sortof because it was never really official or anything, we were just kind of hanging out and having sex) We sudo-dated for about two weeks. It was ok. Ups and downs and all that shit. Anyway 2 weeks into it, her friends went out of town for a week (scotland?) and asked her to house sit. Of course i was house sitting too.

Now this is where it gets weird.

Her friend has 2 dogs. One little yippy thing and one of those old ass furry dogs that nobody can really classify. The little dog hated me, which was ok, because i hated it. The older dog really didn't seem to care one way or the other so long as everyone left him alone. It might be important to note that these are indoor dogs.

So I'm over @ the friends house with xena on night after hanging out @ griff's. We of course start fooling around. Things progress along nicely until she has all of her clothes off and i am down to my boxers. She's on her back and I'm like half on top of her doing that finger thing when all of a sudden she goes off. Now i like to think that I'm fairly skilled in the satisfying a woman department, but i knew i hadn't done anything to warrant the writhing and moaning she was doing. So i stop completely for a second to get my bearings and figure out what i did. I stop. She doesn't.

This is when i notice the dog.

The old furry dog had apparently decide that this looked like fun, because @ some point he had climbed up on the bed and started licking her... stuff. I had no idea what to do. My 1st thought was to knock the dog across the room, but then it occurred to me that she was really enjoying herself. @ that point i was too amused/disgusted to continue anything, so I opted to roll over and go to sleep. They continued for about 5 minutes before she realized who was doing what (or what was doing who).

She beat the hell out of that dog.

That was our last date.